I think I won the penis lottery.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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