i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
