I wish I could teleport
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
