i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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