Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
