i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
