Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
