I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
