please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
