He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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