Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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