i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
