if only i could text you this smell
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
