I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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