if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
