I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
