So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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