hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
