She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
