drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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