I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
