playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
