I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The feeling are messing with the penis
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
