Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
