I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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