I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
