I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's never too late to be topless.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
