its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
