We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
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