Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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