i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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