I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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