people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize