He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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