He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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