The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
