We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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