they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize