thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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