So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
