I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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