sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
