I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
