Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
