come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The uberlube is also flammable
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
