Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That's how pantless uber rides happen
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
