sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
