Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
