I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
