I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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