I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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