apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
