Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
not ubering you a puppy
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
