dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
