Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
