yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
