i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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