My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Randomize
