I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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