Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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