Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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