thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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