we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
