Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
