I think I am morally bankrupt
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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