READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
