We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
