Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize