remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
