yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
