You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize