Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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