my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
NoShamevember. You game?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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