I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
