I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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