I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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