I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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