I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So squirting runs in the family.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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