I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You can't motorboat a personality
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
