A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
