my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
