two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
