Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
