I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
