So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
