Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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