I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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