You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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