he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
