She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
